Why you don't like me

Ever had that person that just doesn't like you? If you're like me, it doesn't happen very often and, despite your best efforts, you cannot change that person's mind. He or she just gives you the cold shoulder all of the time. I have figured it out. Your reason will most likely be different than mine but I have figured out why some people just don't like me. Read no further if you'd care to remain ignorant of my superior abilities.

I just walked into the room. You look over your shoulder and assess my persona. Within a fraction of a second, you have judged my clothes, my hair, my demeanor, my walk, my shoes, my net worth and my hobbies. You have decided not to like me. Even though you cannot describe just what it is about me, your choice has been made. Befriending you will be an uphill struggle for me.

Why? I know.

I'm not better looking than you. That you can already tell.

You've also noticed that I'm married. I am basically an asexual being entering the room. I am in no way a threat to you.

You've sized me up and know that you could kick my ass. I'm okay with this. I have never been in a fight and don't plan on starting with you.

I don't make more money than you. You realize this after looking at my jeans and deducing the fact that I didn't buy them with the mustard stain and missing belt loop.

I need a haircut. This doesn't really bother you, but I totally do.

So, what is it then? Why, upon first glance, do you not care for me?

I've never had a hangover. Ever.

It's certainly not from lack of effort.

Somehow your superior skills of observation have determined that I have never experienced that which you so loathe. The reason you passed on the tequila shots was so you could function tomorrow. Not me. I'll be up much later than you and will wake up before you do. I might sleep on the floor snuggling a traffic cone, but I'll be the first one up, cleaning dishes and preparing coffee.

Please don't hate me for it. I didn't ask for this superpower.