The sports fan looks forward to the Super Bowl with impassioned anticipation, not necessarily worried about the outcome, but desiring to watch a popular sporting event. He is most likely the same sports fan that knows the basic rules of all of the major sports (including soccer) and will watch the games attentively. Sure, one of the teams playing might be the home team, adding the much sought-after rooting interest, but it isn't necessary to make him tune in and cheer. Bringing water cooler conversation starters like "Did you see that catch last night?" and "When are they going to fire that prima donna?" are what is expected of one of these fans.
But what happens after the Super Bowl? To the sports fan: a dry spell.
The gap between the Super Bowl (2/6/11) and the start of the NCAA tournament (3/15/11) is a bummer for the devoted viewer. This is the time of year with the fewest televised sporting events. Of course there are games to be watched, but these viewers will be switching back and forth between regular season hockey and basketball. ("But AJ, things could be worse. I like watching...") Shut up. I'm trying to help.
But do not despair! This message was not intended to depress, but to inform. What should the sports fan do with these 37 days? I have some ideas.
Learn to do a handstand - If you already know how to do one, fashion yourself a medal made out of I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. If you're not a braggart, wouldn't it be cool to one day just think, "I feel like doing a handstand" and then do one?! Everyone watching will be impressed and doors will open for you (probably just those sliding ones in front of Walgreens though). [I cannot do a handstand.]
Learn how to do that water drip sound that Cameron makes in Ferris Bueller's Day Off - This will provide seconds upon tens of seconds of entertainment when you unmute your phone during a conference call, make the sound and attempt to stifle your giggles.
Balance your checkbook - HAHAHA! Just kidding, nerd.
Watch The Godfather (all of them) - You know you've been putting it off. Find out what all of the fuss is. Understand more of the jokes on Family Guy. You can't lose here.
Gamble on Antiques Roadshow - I know! There is no way that tea kettle and spoon could POSSIBLY be worth $8,000 but you had the under. Pay up.
Play Guitar Hero - You know people who are pretty good at this game. You've been over to a buddy's house and watched your friend look totally bad ass wielding his plastic axe (not a euphemism...this time). Wouldn't it be rad to join the button-clicking fiesta and not look dumb while doing it? [I suck at Guitar Hero]
Learn to knit - I don't know. This is mostly directed at my wife because I want some fucking mittens.
Master the art of putting on your hat in creative ways - A couple of flips in the hand, a toss around the back, caught on the foot and flipped onto your head?! Instant applause and admiration.
Solve a Rubik's Cube - Nevermind. This is hard.
Peel the stickers off a Rubik's Cube and reattach them well enough to give the illusion of solving the puzzle without cheating - SUCCESS!
Hopefully this will get you through until March Madness. I wish you the best of luck and hope these activities help maintain your desire to live.
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