Cubs in Denver

Last Sunday, I went to the Chicago Cubs versus Colorado Rockies game in Denver. A few things I should note: I drink at baseball games, I yell at baseball games, and people in Chicago agree with my actions.

Not so much in Colorado.

A Cubs fan wearing a Ryne Sandberg jersey while drinking during a game at family-friendly Coors Field discovers the following things:

There are a lot of kids at this game - They are everywhere. There were 2 seated behind me and 6 on the row of 20 seats where we were sitting.

Rockies fans do not cheer very loudly or passionately, but they will "boo" an obnoxious Cubs fan - Seriously. They aren't as disinterested as Rangers fans, but they are close. At one point the Rockies pulled together a pretty miraculous double play and I think I heard a guy behind home plate clap. Of course he might have just been keeping time with the big screen in center field that tells fans when to cheer. The operators of the big screen actually have to tell these fans to cheer. If you are attending a game and you see "LOUD" or "NOISE" appear on the big screen, you should feel ashamed that you are watching that screen instead of your team.

They do the wave - As a rule, you shouldn't do the wave. It's embarrassing. You look really dumb doing it and it is too obvious that you aren't even watching the game. When you cheer louder for a wave that goes all the way around the stadium than you did when someone stole third base, you deserve to be banned for life from any live event. Anyone who participates in a wave is an awful sports fan.

Making fun of Todd Helton's facial hair will increase the frequency of the boos - Good hecklers have two basic rules: No family and no cussing. Making fun of someone's family is just hurtful and cussing will get you thrown out of the stadium. So, making fun of someone for having a badger on his face is a good way to get his attention. Also, when Todd Helton hits a fly ball and everyone stands up to cheer only to sit down disappointed when it is caught in center field, shouting, "Ahhh, you guys got soooo excited! Now you must be sad!" Will cause more boos.

There are a shitload of children at this game - When I was a child going to games, I never realised that a baseball game is hardly the place for a 10 year old. I taught our neighbors some neat words, though. You're welcome, parents.

If it took me to get those people in the stands excited to see there first place team do well, then I'm alright with that. I can only imagine how quiet that section would have been had I not been just drunk enough to be bulletproof without spilling my beer. The Cubs lost that day, but that's ok. I'm sort of used to it by now.

Coors Field is an amazing venue and I greatly recommend seeing any game there. Beers are (somewhat) affordable and the Rockies are a great team. So, get out for an afternoon and enjoy the nice weather this summer.